Men Are Always Like That

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among threelikely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets herhair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up verynicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more aattractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Focus on Problems vs. Focus on Solutions

1)When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space,they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity(Ink won't flow down to the writing surface). In order to solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C. And what did Russians do?? The Russians used a Pencil!!!

2)One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of apan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so. But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, did not get into complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral of the story:

KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid)

i.e. always look for simple solutions.

Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem :-) So, learn to focus on solutions not on problems. If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything.If you look at what you have in life, you have everything.

Sand and Stone

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE IN THE FACE.
THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH.

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING,HE WROTE ON A STONE:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"

THE OTHER FRIEND REPLIED "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS USWE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND WHERE WINDS OFFORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY. BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WINDCAN EVER ERASE IT."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL PERSON, AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN AN ENTIRE LIFE TO FORGET THEM.

TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE!

DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT VALUE WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE

GSCE 'O' Levels Hokkien Exam Paper

Instructions:

1. Read the passage carefully
2. Grade yourself with the grading system at the end of the passage after reading.
3. Not that difficult, chin chai do lah !

Section A: Orrler Exeminetion (60 marks)

Question:Singalella
why become rich ?
Koo zhar wu chee ay char bor kia, Singalella.
She got two sisters, but the stepmarder and the sisters all damn kuai-lan, so she quite zhia-lat oso.
Last time Singalella got own maid, but now she become the amah.
Everyday must cook lah, clean lah, simi sai mah bao-kah-liao.
If her sister say liak kar zhuak, she liak.
Tak jit zho kah tau-hin.
CPF poon boh.
But then, kay piak eh ah-pek got one son call Ah Ming got party.
So he say, "oeh, long chong lai ah."
Singalella very happy because she never go party before but then her step-marder say, "Lee Mana eh-sai kee, this one bahru lu eh sisters wu standard."
Then Singalella must zho sui-sui for her sisters and step-marder.
Tap pai how, buay zhia, buay koon and buay pang-sai.
That night she only can wave bye bye and then she go back to the kitchen and cook Maggi mee. Her neighbour came over and ask, "Eh, an-zhua lu boh kee party?"
So Singaalella kong, "I-wan, lau-bu kong buay-sai, so boh pian."
She never expect but the neighbour say, "Aiyah, kee lah, I give you money."
So singalella brush teef and zhang-zhui, chen-kor, after that look very different.
She quickly run to opposite of the beh-chia-lor, already 11 o'clock.
At the party, Ah Ming also quite sian because the char bor all boh sui one.
Dance floor even got one ah pek dancing.
Just as Ah Ming told himself, "Aiyah see-pay zhia-lat", Singalella came in.
Ah Ming straight away lau nuar.
"Wah-lau eh, see-pay heng ah, chee kor buay pai."
Ah Ming say to Singalella, "eh, sui eh, wah ai kah lee zho flen!"
Singalella say ok but Ah Ming like octopus, touch here touch there.
But then just it was 12 o'clock, one ah pek die on the dance floor.
He become ghost and tell Singalella all the good 4D number.
So after that Singalella quickly go and buy 4D, and then tiok tau-pio, zhit-pak ban.
So she pay back the kay-piak eh lau-kay-poh and then kah kee cho sen-lee.
Simi kuan eh sen-lee wah mana eh zhai.

Section B: Grades - Gauge Your command of Hokkien....

A1. Can understand the story and pronounce Hokkien correctly.
Hokkien eh sai, bo beh zao.
A2. Can understand half story and/or cannot pronounce Hokkien properly.
zhia lat
E8. Don't understand story and/or catch no ball.
leow leow, mai ka lang kong you is Hokkien Singabolean
F9. Don't understand rating.
kee see lah, wah mana eh zhai lee kong simi?